Goodbye Jack
by BettyHall223
Summary: Jack returns from meetings in Washington to find that Sam has left the SGC. Season eight.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are not my property. No copyright infringement is intended._

Sam had asked Daniel and Teal'c to meet her here at the SGC on this Saturday morning.

Jack had left for Washington the previous Tuesday afternoon for meetings with General Hammond, the Joint Chiefs and the President and wasn't due back until this evening.

She slowly climbed the steps from the control room to the briefing room and looked down at the stargate, remembering the first time she had walked up the ramp with Jack.

_"You know, you really will like me when you get to know me."_

_"Oh, I adore you already, Captain."_

_Jack impatiently pushed her through the event horizon._

She sat down at the conference room table, slowly running her hand across the smooth surface as she remembered her first time in this room.

_She hesitated a moment as she listened to General Hammond say that Sam Carter would be assigned to this mission. Then she heard the voice of the man whose mission reports she had read, the man that Catherine Langford had told her so much about, Colonel Jack O'Neill. She was a little nervous, but anxious, to meet the man that had gone through the gate with Dr. Daniel Jackson on that first eventful trip to Abydos. She smiled to herself as she heard the Colonel say he would prefer to put together his own team and assumed that Sam Carter was male. She took a deep breath and held her head high as she came into the room and got her first look at the Colonel. Her heart skipped a beat, wishing she had seen a picture of him before she had come here so she wouldn't have been so startled by how very handsome he was. She confidently saluted and introduced herself as their eyes met. The Colonel saluted back and looked into her eyes as Kawalsky and Ferretti started teasing her about her name. General Hammond ended the banter when she challenged the Colonel to arm wrestle._

Losing Kawalsky had been the first of many friends and acquaintances they would lose.

She thought back to when Jack had led his team for a second time through the gate to find Daniel on the other side.

_She had read and heard about Daniel's theories and was so eager to meet this young, intelligent archaeologist who had chosen to stay with Sha're and the people of Abydos instead of returning to Earth. After everyone had met and had their evening meal, Daniel led them to a deep chamber inside the pyramid. He was so passionate about his findings of the cartouches and hieroglyphics that he believed would lead to other planets._

She had just met a man who became one of the closest friends she would ever have, a friend that became like a brother.

She smiled as she thought about another man who was one of her dearest friends, someone who was so different from anyone she had ever known. It had been so unlikely that someone from a far away planet would play such a huge role in her life. Teal'c became one of the few people she knew she could trust beyond the shadow of a doubt. So many times he had risked his life to save his teammates and she had always admired him for coming to Earth to help them fight the Gou'ald. His quiet, unassuming manner was a calming influence when life seemed unfair, he had been there to lean on when life would beat her down. He had witnessed Jack and herself reveal their true feelings for each other, but had never mentioned the incident to either one of them again, respecting their privacy and friendship.

Tears came to her eyes as she thought of another close friend.

Janet Frasier had been the closest female confidant she'd ever had. They had shared secrets, laughter and tears. The longer they knew each other, she grew to admire her as a caring, kind and compassionate doctor. Speaking at Janet's memorial service had been one of the hardest things she had ever done. She missed her friend and still felt angry when she remembered the shocking, senseless and horrific way that Janet had been taken from them. Janet's death had left a hole in her heart and knew that as long as she lived, that wound would never completely heal.

She wiped away the tears as General Hammond came to mind. She had known him since she was a little girl, he and her Dad had been friends for years. She greatly admired the General and, in some ways, he was a second father to her. She knew how much he had liked his job, but there had been times when she could see that the responsibility of being in charge of so many lives had been a huge weight on his shoulders, especially when a member of his teams did not come home alive from a mission. A few times, she had walked into his office when he was composing a letter to the next of kin and although he tried not to show his emotions, she could see that no matter how many times he had to do this, he would never get used to it. Even though she missed him, she was happy for him when he had been promoted and was reassigned to Washington.

There were so many people that she would miss. Siler, Walter, the staffs in the infirmary and commissary and the scientists she had worked with in her lab.

Rising from the table, she took a deep breath and walked into Jack's office. She looked around, remembering all those times she had stood in this room while talking with General Hammond and the conversations she had shared with Jack when he became commander of the base.

She stood beside his chair and ran her hand along the top, feeling the softness of the leather, thinking back to the day when she had been on her way to talk with Jack about Daniel's latest ascension.

_She came to an abrupt halt in the conference room when she saw a pretty woman with dark curly hair talking with Jack in his office and saw the way she smiled at him. Feelings of jealousy ran through her. She was engaged to Pete and knew that if she really loved him, she wouldn't be feeling this way._

_Just a few days later, she sat outside Jack's house, trying to work up the courage to go talk with him, to tell him that she felt she was making a mistake by marrying Pete. She also wanted to "take it out of the room" and finally discuss their relationship. That day had not gone as planned and ended badly. She found Kerry there with him, then received word that her father had collapsed and was in the infirmary. A few days later, they had buried her Dad._

Tears pooled in her eyes, she greatly missed her Father. Ever since he had been blended with Selmak, she felt that he would outlive her, but that had not happened. He had tried to tell her to go after that happiness that she deserved, to be with the one man that he knew would make her happy.

_She sat on a bench with a man she didn't love, in front of a house she didn't want. She had broken Pete's heart and that was something she would feel guilty about for a long time._

Jack had found out about her broken engagement and she had hoped that he would let her know that he still cared about her and wanted them to do something about their relationship, but he had not.

She touched the top of Jack's chair once more then walked to the door, turning to look at his office as she took a deep breath.

She went back to the window and stared at the stargate one last time, quickly wiped her eyes and headed to the elevator to meet Teal'c and Daniel.

The day that Jack had flown to Washington was when she had told her two teammates that she was leaving. They had protested but as she explained to them why, they had understood her motives for wanting to do so. She had chosen to say goodbye here instead of at her house. Having them there would have made things harder for all of them.

_They had shared so many team nights at her house when they had a few days off. They ate pizza while repeatedly watching Star Wars movies, so many times that they could almost recite the dialogue verbatim. Jack would usually say something to get a rise out of Daniel and she and Teal'c would watch in amusement as they bantered back and forth. They would fall asleep and she would open her eyes the next morning to find Daniel sprawled in a chair with his glasses at a crazy angle and Teal'c stretched out on the floor. She would be lying on the sofa with her head on a throw pillow against Jack's leg, as he slept with his feet propped up and his head back against the sofa. They would all eventually awaken and end up in her kitchen. Daniel brewed coffee; Jack cooked eggs and pancakes; Teal'c set the table and she would sit on a stool and watch, thinking about how much she loved all three of them, for different reasons. They would gather around her table for breakfast, chat and tease each other as they ate. As Jack and Daniel would linger over an extra cup of coffee, she and Teal'c would load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen._

The times they had spent together at her house over the last eight years had been some of the best times of her life. Until now, the four of them had shared a bond that she thought could never be broken.

Daniel and Teal'c entered her lab. Teal'c clasped his hands behind him and Daniel stood with his hands in his pockets.

She tried to smile. "Hi, guys."

Daniel looked around. "Got everything?"

"Yes. I didn't have that much personal stuff and I took it all home yesterday."

They stood in silence until Daniel took three steps and hugged her to him. She returned the hug and closed her eyes as tears started down her cheeks. Daniel held her for a long time, then leaned back and put his hands on her shoulders.

"You don't have to do this, Sam. You and Jack can work this out."

Sam shook her head as she wiped her eyes. "No we can't, Daniel. I've already explained why."

Daniel removed his hands and stepped back as he wrapped his arms around himself and stared at the floor.

Teal'c stepped in front of Daniel and embraced her.

Again the tears came as she leaned her head on his chest and slid her arms around his waist as he held her in a tight but gentle hug.

"I will miss your presence, Samantha." They stood there for a few moments until Teal'c let her go.

Daniel took a step toward her and looked into her eyes. "Jack is going to be so upset."

Sam put her hand on his arm. "I can't help it, Daniel, I have to do this. Please don't urge him to come after me. It's best this way."

She reached out to take their hands and the three friends drew themselves into a group hug.

Letting go, Sam picked up her purse and they walked to the door. Turning around, she looked back at her lab and turned off the light.

They walked slowly to the elevator and waited in silence until the door opened. Sam stepped inside as Daniel and Teal'c stared at her. She could see the sadness on Teal'c's face and tears in Daniel's eyes.

Daniel attempted to smile. "Please keep in touch, Sam. We love you."

Tears moistened her eyes. "I promise to keep in touch and I'll let you know when I get settled. I love you too."

She stared at them until the elevator doors closed and rode to the top to sign out for the last time. Trying not to cry, she drove away from the Mountain.

Stopping in Jack's driveway, she turned off the motor and sat staring at his house, remembering the last time she had been here.

_Jack had been so supportive after her Dad died, trying to help out any way he could. He had helped her make funeral arrangements, made sure that friends and relatives had transportation to and from the airport, made sure everyone had a place to stay and so many other details he had taken care of._

_After the funeral, Jack had opened his house to everyone. As people talked quietly, she took a few moments to be alone and had wandered away to stand in the farthest part of his backyard, her hands gripping a fence as tears filled her eyes. After a few minutes, she realized that Jack was standing a few feet behind her. She turned and looked at him as her face crumbled. Jack was there in a second, holding her in his arms, letting her cry out her pain. He held her for a long time, not saying a word, just comforting her with his embrace. He finally let go as she looked into his eyes. He gently wiped a tear from her cheek, turned around and walked away, leaving her there to take all the time she needed._

She picked up a large envelope off the seat. Getting out of her car, she walked up the steps to his house. After staring at the envelope for several seconds, she pushed the mail slot on his front door and dropped it inside.

Walking slowly back to her car, she turned around to take one last look at his house as she whispered "goodbye, Jack."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The sun was setting as a young airman dropped off Jack at his house.

"Thanks for the ride."

"You're welcome, sir."

Jack unlocked the door and went inside. Noticing several pieces of mail on the floor, he stepped over them and went to the bedroom.

After a hot shower and getting dressed, he threw his dirty clothes into the washer and headed to the living room, stopping to pick up the mail.

He sat down with a sigh, thinking how good it was to be home and away from the bureaucracy of Washington. The only bright spot of his trip was seeing George again. It had been good to catch up with his friend over a leisurely dinner. George had told him how much he missed his daughter and granddaughters so he wasn't sure how much longer he would keep his job.

He propped up his feet on the coffee table and flipped through the mail, stopping when he noticed a large envelope with "Jack" written on the front and recognized Sam's handwriting.

Quickly opening the envelope, he pulled out several sheets of paper. Suddenly putting his feet back on the floor, his eyes grew wide as he quickly read Sam's typed resignation.

Behind her resignation was a handwritten letter and he raised his eyebrows when he read the salutation. In all the years he had known Sam, he could only recall one other time she had called him by his first name. He swallowed the lump in his throat and began to read.

Dear Jack,

After reading this letter I hope you will understand why I need to write it. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever done.

First of all, I want to say what an honor and privilege it has been to serve our country by your side for the past eight years. I have learned so much from you, not just as a soldier but as a person.

Little did I know that when I walked into the briefing room eight years ago and met you for the first time, that I would be meeting the most handsome man I've ever known.

You complained about having a scientist on your team, so I hopped on my soap box and let you know that I was staying at the SGC, whether you liked it or not. I could see the twinkle in your eyes as we bantered back and forth until General Hammond put a stop to it.

From the beginning, you never tried to make me feel inferior or unwanted, you simply let me be myself.

Over the years, I came to admire and respect you more than any other person I have ever served with in the military.

The first time we were alone together was when we were in Antarctica. Not being able to get the stargate to work and after climbing to the surface to find only ice, I felt like such a failure when I wanted so badly to get you home so you could be treated for your injuries. I thought that we were probably going to die together and if it hadn't been for Daniel, we probably would have. As we lay in the infirmary, I felt that I would never be warm again.

I had been attracted to you from the day we met but after returning from Antarctica, I admitted to myself that my feelings for you were growing beyond physical attraction, so I tried to think of you only as my CO and kept reminding myself that I wasn't allowed to have those feelings.

You thought it would be good for the team if we got to know each other off base. I will always treasure those times the four of us spent together. There were the pool games at O'Malley's; pizza and movie nights at my house, barbecues at yours and celebrating birthdays.

You soon discovered my love of motorcycles so on our next day off you showed up at my house. We hopped on my bike and off we went to spend the day at the Garden of the Gods, just talking, joking and flirting. That was one of the most fun days I've ever had.

That was the only day we spent time together outside work, just the two of us, neither one ever suggested we do something like that again. I guess we both realized that we were getting in way over our heads and those rules and regulations were always looming in front of us, that barrier we knew we couldn't cross.

I learned you have your own way of doing things. You have never been a by-the-book leader, you follow your own path and simply do what you believe is right. You stood up for your beliefs, almost to the detriment of getting yourself court martialed on several occasions.

One of the first things I learned about you is that you have a very special place in your heart for children, maybe because you lost Charlie.

When I went through the gate for the first time with you on your return trip to Abydos, the one person you were most eager to see again wasn't Daniel but Skaara. I could see his admiration for you as he saluted you and your face lit up with a bright smile.

We found a young girl on a planet, brought her back to Earth and you gave her a dog. She has grown into a wonderful young woman and considers you to be the closest thing she has to a father. Cassie simply adores you, Jack. When Janet died, you made sure that she knew she had a family who loved her and would see her through those dark days ahead when she lost a mother for the second time.

I watched as you stood in the gate room and said goodbye to a sick little boy that had quickly found his way into your heart and took the name of your son. As my Dad led him up the ramp to take him where he could get better, I saw you swallow the lump in your throat, while probably wishing he could have stayed with you, just as Reetou Charlie had wanted.

One of those times that you were almost court martialed and ruined your career was when you took a young alien girl off the base to experience what it was like to have fun. I stood with General Hammond in the control room as you presented Merrin with a box of crayons. When she opened the box and saw what was inside, it was the first time she had smiled since we had met her. After she left, I walked into my lab to find a picture of flowers and trees that she had painted on your visit to the school. It was very thoughtful of you to give it to me and I will treasure it always. Every time I look at it, I will think of how much you cared about Merrin's welfare and what she gave up to help her people.

Those are just a few examples of how much you care about children.

Daniel told me about your divorce and how you lost Charlie. When Daniel, Teal'c and I witnessed your encounter in the hospital with the crystal that could mimic your son, we saw the anguish on your face and the tears in your eyes. I cannot imagine the pain that you and Sara went through at having to tell Charlie goodbye all over again.

I have seen how much you enjoy talking with Rya'c when he has come to Earth to visit Teal'c. Rya'c is probably about the same age that Charlie would have been if he had lived, and you have probably thought how cool it would have been that Charlie and Rya'c might have become friends.

So many times your actions spoke louder than words ever could. Your willingness to help people, or different life on other planets, has amazed me. Under that gruff exterior, you really do have a huge, kind and amazing heart.

You are one of the smartest people I've ever known. I never understood your reluctance to let everyone see just how intelligent you really are.

I love your sense of humor, Jack. You always made our briefings interesting. So many times when Daniel was so enthusiastic about explaining something that was important to him, you would make these little comments that would cause Daniel to lose his train of thought and I would have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. When we were off-world and stuck in some prison, you always had a way of making me feel better by making clever remarks about our captors.

Whenever I was having a bad day, you could always cheer me up with a joke or a smile.

You have beat yourself up over things that were beyond your control. When Teal'c, Daniel or myself was hurt or injured, you often took the blame for not protecting your team. We all tried to tell you that you trained us to take care of ourselves. I've lost count of how many times you put your life and career on the line to protect us.

There have been so many people we've lost over the years: Charlie Kawalsky, Hank Boyd, Frank Cromwell, Lieutenant Barber, Lieutenant Elliot and so many others. Amazingly, with everything we've been through, all the members of SG-1 are still alive.

Just when I thought I was handling my feelings for you so well after Antarctica, Daniel returned from an alternate reality, telling us that you and I had been engaged. I tried to stay busy and not dwell on that.

Then Dr. Carter and Kawalsky came through the quantum mirror. When I learned that Samantha and her Jack had been married, I tried not to feel envious and jealous, especially when I watched as you kissed her goodbye.

There were those long three months when you were trapped on Edora. I have never worked so hard in all my life as I did then to bring you home. I ate and slept very little. Several times while you were gone, Janet threatened to keep me in the infirmary if I didn't start taking better care of myself, but I was determined to get you back so I mostly ignored her threats. We never discussed it, but she knew why I was working so hard. When we finally got to you, I overheard you ask Laira to come back with you. I tried not to show how hurt I was and acted as if everything was fine, but for the next few weeks, it was all I could do to push my feelings aside and try to act normal around you.

Teal'c and Janet witnessed our confessions of our feelings for each other. At the time, I thought it was the right thing to do when we agreed to keep it locked in that room. I was foolish to suggest such a thing. If I could live one event of my life over, it would be that one. I wish I could change what I said to you.

We struggled with memories of another life as we lived and worked underground and knew each other as Jonah and Thera. Believe it or not, the days we were there were some of my happiest as we sat together, my head on your shoulder and talked quietly into the night after everyone else was asleep. You said you had "feelings" and I took that to mean you had feelings for me. Eventually we had to go back to the reality of Colonel and Major, once again pushing those feelings aside.

Things were going along relatively smoothly until you and Teal'c were stranded in space in the death glider. I was so scared when we didn't think there was a way to reach you. But once again, we were successful when Dad helped with the rescue. On the way home, you were seated next to Dad talking about the Tok'ra while Daniel and Teal'c sat on the floor discussing the glider. I wandered to the back of the ship, sat down in a small alcove away from all of you where I knew you couldn't hear me, and cried. I cried tears of relief that we had found you but also tears of wondering how many more times something like this would happen before I lost you for good. I took off my jacket and lay my head down on it and slept for awhile. By the time we arrived home, there was no evidence on my face that I had been crying so none of you knew about my little breakdown.

Not too much later, you and Colonel Maybourne were stranded on the planet's moon. You were lost to us yet again. When you returned, you don't know how much I wanted to run to you and beg you to please never do that to me again, but I couldn't. I stood there fighting back tears, again wondering if the next time could be the last.

Then came that fateful day when I was injured and alone on the Prometheus. The concussion caused me to hallucinate Daniel and Teal'c, they came to suggest ways to stay alive and get off the ship. My Dad appeared and made me face my fears of getting my heart broken and encouraged me to have a life outside of work. When I wrote my report of what happened while I was there by myself, there were two things that I omitted. I kept seeing this little girl with curly brown hair and brown eyes. She told me her name was Grace and it wasn't until I returned that I figured out who I think she was . . . but I'll keep those thoughts to myself. You were the last person to appear to encourage me to find a way off the ship. You sat down across from me and we began to talk. I asked if it would make any difference between us if I quit the Air Force and you said you would never ask me to give up my career. At the end of the conversation, I kissed you. I was soon back on Earth and back to hiding my feelings for you, all the while wondering how much longer I could keep doing this.

Taking Dad's suggestion, I tried to let go of you and started dating a man that showered me with attention and soon I was sitting on a park bench, holding an engagement ring in my hand. I should have known that taking two weeks to decide if I wanted to marry Pete was a strong indication that I did not. You came into my lab and I showed you the ring. I wanted you to stop me, Jack. I wanted you to tell me that it wasn't too late for us but you didn't. That was when I really began to feel that what you might have felt for me at one time was over. So believing that you didn't care any more, I accepted Pete's proposal.

The day Janet died and you were injured was one of the worst days of my life. When you were hit and lying on the ground, I came running to you. You were lying so still and with all the chaos going on around us, it all seemed to fade into the background as I stared at you, my heart almost ripping into shreds. But you were alive and we got you back to the SGC. A few days later, I walked into your room to see that you were dressed and ready to go home. We talked about Janet and Cassie. When I tried to tell you how thankful I was that you were alive, I could hardly say the words without bursting into tears. We stood looking at each other and then we embraced. I wanted to hold on to you forever. I wanted to tell you how much I care about you but I couldn't; we were mourning Janet and it wasn't the time or the place for that conversation.

I went home after the memorial service and cried as much as I did when my Mother died. Janet's death made me realize just how short and fragile life really is. I cried not only for losing my best friend, but for almost losing the one man that I care about more than anyone else in the world.

When you took the second download and was frozen in Antarctica, Daniel, Teal'c and I stood there staring at you. They almost had to drag me away because I didn't want to leave you. Once again, your teammates were willing to do whatever it took to get you home and eventually you did come home, safe and sound, to be promoted and became commander of the base.

Not much later, I saw you talking with Kerry in your office and just the way she looked at you, I felt something was going on but I just couldn't quite admit it to myself.

Pete told me he had a surprise for me and was eager to show me. What a surprise! He had bought a house without my approval. That was when I realized that our relationship had gone too far so I drove to your house, eager to see if you still might have feelings for me. When I found Kerry there with you, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. Then came the call that Dad was sick in the infirmary.

I sat beside him as he urged me to not let rules stand in my way. His last wish was for his daughter to be happy and he had known for a long time that you were the man that could make that happen.

As I watched my Dad live his final moments, you sat with me in the observation room and told me you would always be there for me. That gave me hope.

After Dad died and even though I didn't know at the time that you weren't with Kerry any more, I knew I couldn't marry a man I didn't love, so I ended my engagement to Pete and broke his heart.

You found out about my broken engagement and I found out about your split with Kerry. I wanted you to ask me why I came to your house that day, I kept waiting for you to say something . . . anything to let me know how you felt about me.

You thought the team needed a break so we went to your cabin. While we were there, I kept waiting for you to give me some indication as to where we stood, but you never did and I came back to the Springs even more confused.

After many sleepless nights and much soul searching, I have to try to put into words what I need to say now.

I love you, Jack, more than you will ever realize. But I fear we will never have our time together and it is time for me to let you go, I feel we've let this go too long. I know we always had the regulations to consider but as I look back on these past eight years, there were so many missed opportunities that both of us could have taken to be together, but didn't. After the zatarc test is when we should have made a change in our relationship. I know that I'm the one that suggested we keep it in the room, stupidest thing I ever said. We should have discussed it but we didn't. I should have asked for a transfer to another team. You could have retired. I could have asked to be assigned to work only in my lab and not go off-world any more. I could have asked for a transfer to another base and we could have had a long distance relationship. It would have been hard to be separated by distance, but we could have made the effort to be together whenever we could. I could have asked to transfer to Area 51 or I could have gone back to the Pentagon. I believe if we really wanted it to work between us, we would have found a way.

I do realize that both of us felt we were needed to fight the Goa'uld, the replicators and the system lords. I know our careers are important, but was it really worth putting our personal lives on hold? There were other people that could have done our jobs just as well. When it came right down to it, let's face it, if we had died, there would have been others to take our places. I don't mean to belittle our importance of what we did for Earth and the SGC, I'm just saying we sacrificed too much of ourselves.

I've had countless nights when I lay in bed and wished you were there with me, so many nights when I wanted and needed your arms around me. I wanted to make love with you.

I daydreamed of being pregnant with your child. I wanted to hold that baby in my arms for the very first time and see its tiny face, to know that we had created something beautiful from our love for each other.

I have imagined us at your cabin watching our children grow up, and loving each other more with each passing day as we grew old together.

The only time we confessed our feelings was during the zatarc test. We never said those three little words to each other. We let it go too long. Too much water under the bridge. Pick your own cliché.

You and I are like a well worn and beaten down path, afraid to test the fresh green grass on either side, to feel something that we've been tempted to feel for so long but are unwilling to take the first step and venture into something new.

You may think this is the coward's way out and maybe it is, but you don't know how many nights I've cried myself to sleep. Please try to understand that I can't face you any more, Jack, it hurts too much.

I have accepted a position with NASA at the Johnson Space Center in Houston. I will be the new Director of the Advanced Research Division.

It's ironic that Dad thought I would end up at NASA and now I will, just not in the capacity he thought I would.

I have already said goodbye to Daniel and Teal'c. They urged me to work this out with you but now that I've explained to them why I don't think it's possible, they do understand why I need to get away.

There are some things I want to thank you for, because I will never get the chance to say these things to you again. You taught me so much.

You taught me the skills I needed to stay alive in hostile environments and many kinds of inclement weather.

You taught me how to fight to defend myself.

You taught me how to read people and not take everyone at face value.

You taught me the meaning of loyalty to family, friends, the United States and Earth.

You taught me the value of friendship.

You taught me that we can't live in the past, that we have to move on, no matter how tough life gets.

You taught me to not take life so seriously. I've always been too tense but you taught me to lighten up.

You taught me that relaxation is not a waste of time.

You have been the greatest CO and friend that I could ever have. I could never thank you enough for everything you've done for me and everything I've learned from you. You have made my life worth living, more than you will ever realize.

For the first time in my life, I know what it's like to love someone unconditionally. That's the way I love you, Jack. Not one single day will go by that I won't think about you. You will always have a very special place in my heart that no other man will ever fill.

I wish you much happiness.

Sam

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jack sat very still, almost numb, as he scanned the letter once again. He could hardly believe that after eight years, Samantha Carter would no longer be in his life. He had gotten so used to having her around every day. Now he wouldn't get to see her smile, hear her voice, watch her work in her lab or see her face light up when she deciphered some alien technology.

He lay the letter down beside him and put his elbows on his knees as he ran his hand over his face to keep from crying and tried to catch his breath.

He ran into the bedroom to get his cell phone where he had left it on the dresser. He wanted to call Sam but stopped himself and put the phone in his pocket.

Wandering back into the kitchen, he stopped for a drink of water, then sat back down on the sofa, trying to think. Did she really want to leave? Should he go to her house and try to talk her into staying or just leave her alone?

He knew he loved her but was she right? Had they left it too long? Would they just be hanging on to something that was no longer there? Had they just taken each other for granted and felt that they would somehow always be in each other's life?

She said she had talked with Daniel and Teal'c. What had she told them? Did they know if she wanted him to come after her?

He got the phone from his pocket and punched Daniel's number. He began to pace as he waited for him to answer.

"Hello."

Jack realized he couldn't speak when he heard his voice.

"Hello" Daniel repeated.

"Daniel . . . I . . . can you . . ."

"Jack? Are you okay?"

"No" was the only word he could manage to say as tears started down his cheeks.

"Hang on, Jack. I'll get Teal'c. We'll be right there."

He closed the phone and went out on the deck. Looking up at the twinkling stars, he stuck his hands in his pockets as he tried not to cry.

He thought over all the events that Sam had mentioned in her letter. The one that stood out most was the zatarc test. She was right, they should have discussed their feelings for each other then but they had not, and he realized what a huge mistake they both had made in not doing so. Tears moistened his eyes as he quickly ran his fingers over his eyes.

He went back inside and just as he closed the door he heard knocking. He started toward the door but Daniel didn't wait for him to answer and came on in. Daniel and Teal'c came down the steps and Daniel wrapped his arms around him.

Daniel held on tightly to his friend. "I'm sorry, Jack."

Jack tried not to cry but the tears came anyway.

They stood there for several moments, no one saying a word.

Feeling embarrassed by his tears, Jack pulled away from Daniel and quickly wiped his face.

Teal'c sat down in a chair as Jack sat down on the end of the sofa, Daniel sat at the other and noticed a letter on the cushion between them.

Daniel and Teal'c waited patiently for Jack to say something.

Jack clasped his hands together and stared at the floor. "She's leaving and she isn't coming back."

"We know" Daniel said softly. "She told us bye this afternoon at the SGC."

Jack glared at Daniel. "You knew she was going to do this? Why didn't you tell me?"

"We didn't know she wanted to leave until you were already in Washington. We were as shocked as you are. Teal'c and I thought Sam would always be at the SGC, she loved her job. But after she gave us her reasons, we do understand why she wants to leave."

"What reasons did she give you?"

"The reason being that she's in love with you, but she thinks it's too late, that you will never have your chance to be together. You're now the commander of the base and she just got promoted so if she stayed, she'd still be in your direct chain of command. She's afraid that's the way it will always be and she's tired of waiting for something that is probably never going to happen."

"You sure she's not getting back together with Shanahan?"

Daniel shook his head. "No. That's definitely over, Jack. She probably wants a break from all men right now."

Tears came to Jack's eyes again. "Do you think I should go after her?"

"I do not think that would be a wise course to follow, O'Neill" Teal'c answered. "She is very determined to make a new life for herself."

Jack stood up and looked out the window into the darkness. "She said she's going to NASA. When has she even had time to interview with NASA?"

Daniel set up on the edge of the sofa. "Do you remember those days she asked to take off right after we came back from your cabin? When she said she had something personal to take care of and you told her she could have the time off? That's when she had the interview in Houston."

"I thought she just needed more time to adjust to the broken engagement and Jacob's death. Are you sure you didn't know then?" Jack asked suspiciously.

"No, Jack. As I said, we didn't know about any of this. She had already accepted the job by the time she told us. She caught us completely by surprise. I'm sorry this has happened. I know you're upset and you want to talk to her but please don't. She asked us not to urge you to go after her. She has lived with these feelings for you for a long time and it really upsets her to think that after eight years nothing is ever going to change."

Jack sat back down. "I want her to be happy but am I just supposed to let her go?"

Daniel put his hand on Jack's shoulder. "Teal'c and I respect her wishes and we think you should too. If she changes her mind and decides not to leave or if she does and wants to come back, it has to be her decision."

Jack ran his hand across his face. "Do you know when she's leaving?"

"Tuesday morning. She's renting an apartment in Houston and she has arranged for movers to take everything."

"Do you think we let it go too long?"

Daniel dropped his head to his chest for a moment before looking back at Jack. He had never seen Jack look so frightened. "Yes, I do. I think your best chance to have been together was right after the zatarc test. To be honest about it, Teal'c and I were surprised that one of you didn't resign from the Air Force then."

Jack ran his hand through his hair. "We should have. One of us should have."

Teal'c spoke. "You need time to process this, O'Neill, but please, for Colonel Carter's sake and yours, do not contact her."

"Do you want us to stay here tonight?" Daniel asked.

Jack shook his head. "No, I want to be alone."

"Okay, we'll go" Daniel said as he and Teal'c stood up. "Call me if you need to talk or if you need us we'll come back. Right, Teal'c?"

Teal'c put his hand on Jack's shoulder. "Indeed."

Jack watched them go up the steps and out the door.

Daniel and Teal'c got into the car. Daniel sat there for a moment staring at Jack's house, then turned to Teal'c.

"I haven't seen Jack this distraught since Charlie died. Was it right for us to discourage him from going after Sam? They'll be miserable without each other. I know Sam thinks it's too late, but is it? Should we go talk to her again?"

Teal'c turned his head to look at Daniel. "I think it would be wise to heed Colonel Carter's words. It has to be her decision should she decide to talk with O'Neill."

"I guess you're right" Daniel said sadly as he started the car and drove away.

--

Back inside the house, Jack picked up the letter and wandered into the bedroom. He turned on the lamp, got undressed and lay down on the bed. After reading the letter again, he put it on the nightstand and stared at the ceiling as a tear slid down the side of his face. Turning off the lamp, he pulled a pillow to him and hugged it as he began to cry.

Memories flooded his mind of when they had first met; when he slowly realized that he was falling in love with Sam; the respect for her that had grown the longer they knew each other; when she had broken his heart by showing him an engagement ring and when his heart had soared when he learned that Sam had broken that engagement.

He thought back to just recently when he finally convinced her to go to his cabin. Sam sat on his dock wearing a sun dress as she swung her bare feet above the water with her hands propped behind her as she enjoyed the sunshine on her face. She had never looked more beautiful, feminine and relaxed as she had then and that image of her would be imprinted forever on his mind.

--

He had lay awake most of the night thinking about Sam's letter, too upset to sleep. The last time he had looked at the clock it had read 3:30. He rolled over and stared at the clock again which now read 7:05. He had slept just a few hours. He wondered if life was even worth getting out of bed for.

He was glad he didn't have to go back to the base today, Colonel Reynolds was in charge until Monday morning.

Finally getting up, he had just finished getting dressed when his cell phone rang. It was Daniel.

"Hello."

"Jack, just wanted to see if you want to get some breakfast. You probably haven't eaten since yesterday, have you?"

"No, I haven't."

"I'll be by in about twenty minutes."

"I'll meet you out front."

Daniel drove up in Jack's driveway to see him sitting on the front steps and as Jack came walking toward him, he could see how pale he was and guessed he had slept very little. Jack got into the car.

"You okay?"

"No, I'm not okay, Daniel, but what am I supposed to do?"

Daniel backed up the car and headed to the road. "I wish . . ."

"Wish what?"

Daniel sighed. "I don't know . . . I just wish this whole situation had turned out differently."

Jack stared straight ahead. "So do I."

After they finished eating breakfast, they sat talking over coffee.

"You want to go talk to her, don't you?"

Jack took a sip of coffee, then set down the mug. "Part of me does . . . but part of me . . . no, I won't. I love her, Daniel, I really do and my life will be empty without her . . . but . . . if this is what she wants . . ." Jack choked back the tears as he turned his head to look out the window.

Daniel gave Jack time to gather his thoughts.

Jack swallowed the lump in his throat. "I love her enough to let her go. If she comes back on her own, then fine, and if she doesn't, well, it won't be the first time I've had to deal with someone leaving that I love. At least this time, it isn't someone I was married to."

"But this hurts just as much doesn't it?"

Jack stared at the table. "More."

After breakfast, Daniel took Jack back to his house and stopped in his driveway.

"Want me to stick around?" Daniel offered.

Jack shook his head. "No. I'd rather be by myself right now."

Daniel looked at his friend for a several moments, wondering if it would be better for Jack to have some company.

"Are you sure? I don't mind staying."

Jack tried to smile. "I'll be okay. Thanks for breakfast. I'll see you tomorrow."

Daniel watched as Jack went inside his house and closed the door before driving away.

Jack wandered out to the deck and sat down in a chair. He looked at the spot where Sam had stood not long ago. She had been so nervous when she had come here to tell him her feelings, but stood frozen when Kerry had interrupted their conversation. He could still picture Sam as she closed her eyes and realized why Kerry was there.

Kerry had realized his feelings for Sam and he knew it was for the best when she broke off their relationship, a relationship that had barely begun.

He knew that if Kerry had not been at his house that day, he and Sam would have had that conversation he had waited so long to have with her.

When they were at his cabin, he wanted to talk to Sam then, but she was still mourning her father and the broken engagement. He wanted to give her time to adjust to both of those events before starting a romantic relationship with him. Not until he read her letter, did he know that she had been waiting for him to talk to her the whole time they were there. Now it was too late. They would never have their chance.

He put his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together as tears started down his cheeks. He let the tears come, knowing this would be one of the few times he would allow himself this emotional release. The pain was overwhelming. After a few minutes, he took deep breaths and choked back the sobs as he wiped his face.

It was all he could do to not get into his truck and go see her, but after having talked with Daniel and Teal'c, he knew it was best that he leave her alone.

"If this is what you really want, Sam, I'll let you go" he whispered.

--

Jack dreaded going back to work, knowing he would be reminded of Sam everywhere he went on the base, but maybe keeping busy would help.

He arrived to find Siler and Walter whispering outside his office.

"Walter."

Walter and Siler jumped at the sound of his voice and stood up straight.

"Sir" both men said together.

"Something I can do for you?"

"Is it true, sir?" Walter asked.

"Is what true?"

Siler took a step toward Jack. "Is it true that Colonel Carter left the SGC?"

Jack walked between them as he entered his office and the two men followed. "Yes, it's true" he answered as he sat down at his desk.

Walter's eyes grew large. "But why, sir?"

"She had her reasons, Walter, reasons that I am not at liberty to discuss."

"You can't tell us anything?" Siler asked.

"No. Now I think we should get to work."

Siler and Walter looked at each other, then at Jack.

"I'll miss her" Walter said.

Siler shook his head. "Won't be the same place without her."

They turned and left his office and Jack watched as they went down the stairs. He sighed deeply, stood up and closed the door.

After repeating himself to so many people when asked about Sam, he finally sent an e-mail to everyone on the base, explaining that she had accepted a new position with NASA in Houston.

His phone rang just as he picked up a memo from the stack of papers on his desk.

"O'Neill."

"Jack."

"Hi, George."

"Tell me this is some kind of joke."

"Joke, sir?"

"Sam."

"Oh. No joke, sir. How did you find out?"

"I arrived at work this morning to find a courier waiting for me to sign for a confidential envelope. When I opened it, I could hardly believe my eyes. Sam sent me a copy of her resignation with a note to tell me she's going to Houston. What happened?"

"When I got back to my house Saturday evening, I found her resignation and a letter she had written to me. She had her reasons for wanting to leave, sir."

"She was that unhappy?"

"Well . . . yes, sir."

There was a long pause.

"Jack . . . son . . . let's talk off the record and don't worry about what we're saying. I'm on a secure phone and I know the phone you're talking on is secure, so let's not beat around the bush."

"Yes, sir."

"She left because of her relationship, or lack thereof, with you. Correct?"

Jack closed his eyes. "Yes, sir."

"Then go after her, Jack!"

"I can't, sir."

"Why not?"

"She thinks it's too late for us."

Moments passed in silence.

"You know, it was Jacob's wish that you two be together."

Jack raised his eyebrows. "It was?"

"Yes, it was. He always knew how you and Sam felt about each other and so do I."

Jack rubbed his forehead. "I can't help that, George. I admit that I love her, I have for a very long time. But she explained a lot of things in her letter, some of them private, and as I said, I'm going to do as she asked and not contact her. I don't like it, but I respect her wishes."

"Do you want me to talk to her? I know a few people at NASA in Houston. I could use one of them as an excuse to visit and make a point of seeing her while I'm there."

"No sir, please don't. She has made up her mind. I want her to be happy so just let it go."

"Okay, if this is what you want."

"It isn't what I want, George, it's what she wants."

"I'm sorry. I know this must be very upsetting to you."

Tears came to Jack's eyes as he tightly grasped the pen in his hand. "You don't know how much, George, but I won't do anything to change the situation. It's up to her whether or not she ever comes back."

"Okay, Jack. I'll talk with you later."

--

It was early Tuesday morning as Jack sat in his truck, parked down the street from Sam's house, far enough away that he hoped she wouldn't notice. He had to see her one last time.

He watched as the moving men loaded furniture onto a truck, but so far he hadn't seen Sam come out of her house . . . until now.

His heart jumped to his throat.

She was dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt as she handed a box to one of the men inside the truck.

Sam went back inside and came out carrying another box and put it in the back seat of her car. She returned to the house, came out carrying two suitcases and put those in the trunk.

She went inside the house again as two men jumped from the back of the truck and closed the doors. Sam and another man came out of the house. He handed Sam a clipboard to sign something, then she gave it back to him. The three men got into the truck and drove away.

Sam closed the front door and went down the steps, then turned to look back. She stood very still for several moments. She walked to her car, got in and stared out the window. Jack watched as she began to cry.

Jack tightly gripped the steering wheel. It was all he could do not to jump from his truck, run to her and beg her not to go. Tears filled his eyes as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He watched as she wiped her eyes and took a few deep breaths. She fastened her seatbelt, started the car and drove away.

With his heart breaking, he stared at her car until it went around a corner and out of sight. He wanted to go after her but he remembered what she said in her letter: "I can't face you any more, Jack, it hurts too much." In a few moments, he wiped his eyes and sat there thinking about what might have been.

After several minutes of trying to compose himself, he started his truck and went in the opposite direction that Sam had gone, knowing that he would have to live the rest of his life . . . without her.

The End

**A/N:** **Someone on this website suggested I write a story where Jack and Sam do not get together. I am a HUGE shipper so this was hard to write and not give them a happy ending, but as we all know, relationships do not always work out the way we want them to. Sam will not be coming back and Jack will not go after her. Thanks for reading.**


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